False Friendship, False Heart
by Stefan-sama
Summary: Xion had died. Roxas had disappeared. He didn't even have a Heart. What did Axel have left? A look into the mind of a Nobody, and a study of emotion. Oneshot.


**Hoo boy. Well, I just finished 358/2 Days, so I thought I'd honor the occasion with this. It takes place right at the end of the game, I'd imagine right after he sees the "WINNNER" stick. It's deep, very deep, and I'm not sure I nailed Axel's characterization. I mean, he doesn't even say "Got it Memorized?" one freaking time in the whole story! Anyway, it's a bit short, but I hope you'll disregard all of the cliches (after all, that's what Kingdom Hearts revolves around) and have as much fun reading this as much as I had. **

**False Friendship, False Heart**

He paced down the room. Back. Forth. Back. Sideways. Back again. Agitated, he collapsed onto the bed, cradling his face in his hand. He lay like that for a few seconds, still, unmoving, then pulled down the skin on his face. He sat up, resting his hands between his legs, his elbows out and laying on his knees. He stood up suddenly. Again, he paused, then turned abruptly and kicked the drawer at his side angrily.

_Damn it all… How the hell did this happen?_

Roxas was newer, yes. Certainly, he was new, inexperienced, both in combat and emotions. But then again, a Nobody cannot feel anything. He knew that for certain, for Xemnas and Saïx had taken great pains to impress that upon each and every member of the organization. People like Xaldin and Zexion, they followed orders without questions. Demyx, now he even _lived_ for that code.

But Roxas, Xion, they lived to _disobey_ that. Every other move they made was something that was… Well, emotional, or was something that normally should have required a heart to do. Laughter. Tears. Anger. Each and every one of their actions defied the very basis of Nobody existence. And, as the top members had often preached, rules _will_ be followed, those who defy the law will be punished accordingly.

Those two were clearly delinquents. They often disobeyed mission conduct. Far too many times had he heard Roxas shouting angrily at Saïx, and Xion was often with him. Xaldin had also pointed out that two experienced members with the same specialties on one mission was utterly pointless and a total waste. Xion had been constantly getting injured, and Saïx, and presumably Xemnas with him, had been getting increasingly annoyed each time she had failed. Surely those two could not be trusted.

So why did he feel so comfortable when he was with them?

He blinked, then laughed, throwing his head back and covering his eyes with his hand. There he went again, using the word "feel". Nobodies couldn't feel. It was inconceivable. Was it their influence? Yes. It couldn't be anything else. Roxas had that way of simply making the people around him smile. Xigbar, Luxord, Vexen, Marluxia, Demyx, Xion, even himself.

But smiling required a Heart. How did they do it? Perhaps they were all false smiles. Yes, that had to be it. Shadows of True smiles, just as Nobodies were mere shadows of humans. He twitched, then blinked again. Why did that concept annoy him so? Be content with your position, that was another saying that Saïx used. Humans are Humans, and Nobodies are Nobodies. That was why we were assembling Kingdom Hearts. But what good would a Heart do? What _does_ a Heart do? And what would it do to him?

No, that line of thinking was completely off-limits. Memories for a Nobody are useless, with no value. Forgetting was nothing. But then, why was he unable to forget the afternoons on the clock tower with those two? If they were useless, they should easily be rid of, right? But no, he cherished them, and forgetting would be as painful as getting his Heart torn out.

Wait- he didn't have a Heart anyway. And what was a little pain to him? He had seen his share of fighting. Something like that would barely scratch him. Or was this a different kind of pain, not the physical kind, but a more emotional sort, one that required that heart? That kind of pain was incomprehensible. And Saïx- no, Isa, didn't believe in the sort of thing. Why should he? Emotional pain was just baggage, a weakness of humans. When they became human, they wouldn't succumb to that so easily, being Nobodies first, and they would gain all of the benefits of a Heart.

But what were those benefits? Xemnas had often talked about the wonders of a Heart, but he had never expressly said what those wonders did, or even what they were. Perhaps it was along the lines of "seeing is believing", and only when they received those Hearts then they would be able to understand and describe the feeling. Maybe that was it: Xemnas couldn't explain simply because there were no words to explain with in the first place.

Maybe Roxas could explain. Sora, he was the master of all Hearts, perhaps his Nobody would be able to comprehend. But no, that was an idiotic idea. Nobodies cannot feel, period. And besides, even if he could, Roxas had left.

Why had he left? Yes, Xion had died. No, not died- disappeared. Dying was another thing that required a heart. But disappearing was no reason to get upset. That was an emotion: being upset should be physically impossible. But then, why did he leave at all?

And why had he himself also felt… Sadness?

Yes, sadness, that was the word. A hollow feeling of emptiness, one that may or may not inspire tears. A textbook definition. But Sora, he would've laughed, saying that emotions, no matter what they are, cannot be summed up by mere words.

So then what is emotion? XIII members would argue its uselessness. Sora's company would argue its usefulness. Who was in the right? It was as Roxas had said: No one ever tells me anything. Certainly, Xemnas, Ansem, whoever knew what was really going on behind the scenes, like a director. Shouldn't the actors have a right to see as well? Perhaps Roxas was correct, and XIII held nothing for him.

"Knock, knock," a cloaked man said, coming in.

He glared at the figure sideways. "Saïx," he growled. "What do you want?"

The man threw back his hood, revealing long blue hair and an intimidating scarred face. "Well, Axel. I thought you had slightly better manners than that."

He twitched. "Perhaps you didn't hear me. I _said_, what do you want?"

Saïx sighed. "It's all falling apart, that Roxas…" he muttered to himself. Then he turned to him. "You have a special mission today, Axel. Roxas is getting out of control. Find him and eliminate him, he won't listen to anything whatsoever. You are his "friend", yes? Then you should know his weaknesses."

"…What?"

"You heard me."

He screamed. "What the hell is your problem?! You can't ask me to do that!" he yelled, grabbing Saïx by the scruff of his neck. "You've got to be kidding me!!"

Saïx smirked, even as his grip tightened like a vise. "Oh, really? You know I never joke… Lea. Go. Now."

He let out another yell, pinning the blue-haired man to the ground. "No! I've had it with you! Do this, do that! To what end?! This is over!"

He dragged the other man along the floor, finally sending him spiraling down the hall. Bruised, Saïx got up shakily, throwing his Claymore at him, which he dodged easily. "Lord Xemnas will not be pleased!"

He hardened his gaze. "That's fine by me. You both can just go to hell." He turned, slamming the door behind him. He collapsed against the back of the door, sliding down to the ground. This was the right thing to do, right? Roxas was safe now, and friendship took priority above all else. Even a false friendship.

Or, only false to humans. This was a Nobody's true friendship, one that would last forever. Even if they forgot it, the chains of memory wrapping and suffocating, the friendship was, is, and shall be an everlasting bond between the three of them in their Hearts, even their False Hearts.

Was that how it worked? He sighed, banging his head against the wall. It was complicated, yes. But Roxas and Xion would always be his friends. Though he would never understand it. No one could ever understand it.

_Damn it._


End file.
